i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I didn't notice because vodka
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
