I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
