Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
