for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
