Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
