this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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