You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
