Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
