I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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