I accidentally had phone sex last night
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
