my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
