Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
