I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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