somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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