He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
