Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just want to make out with him forever
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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