FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
