ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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