Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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