Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
