People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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