I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
