Porn is love you can see.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
