I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
