I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
