i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
How's work?
Spinning.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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