I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
