This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
