with your own penis?
Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
