i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
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