May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
