I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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