I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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