your thong is hanging out like whoa
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
