he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
