That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
