Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize