As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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