he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize