I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
