So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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