had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
