Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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