According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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