just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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