brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
