I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
