the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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