hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
