i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Fuck appropriateness.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
