I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
did i walk over a car last night?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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